new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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