The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
not ubering you a puppy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
