quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
