dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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