He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
