He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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