Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
