Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
