bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
