It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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