your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
