this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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