we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
