That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
