I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
