i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
