no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
