i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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