The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
