PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
