..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
