Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
