Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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