Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize