they need to just BURY HIM!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
