I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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