wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
