everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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