i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
