it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Welp...herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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