Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
