there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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