No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
