Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
