I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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