I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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