you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
