brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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