She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
