Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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