I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
