He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
