thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
