Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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