while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
