Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
