i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal