I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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