oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
