Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
they're like a gay fantastic four
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night