I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'