Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
