brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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