trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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