Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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