I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
