She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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