did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it penis luge time yet?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
