i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
