cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
