we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
