i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
