Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
