you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
