No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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