dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
