jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As shirtless as possible
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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