I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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